User blog:DylanTBest123/Breaking Down CWAC Pages - Ep. 1.1
LETS BEGIN. AGAIN Yay More Cliches "Holly wasn't worried as she walked into the meeting hall at the alliance's secret headquarters. She didn't have much to worry about. All of the war operations that she'd lead had been a success. Particularly when she hadn't stuck to the plan. "Ah, Lady Talon, you're here. We can start the meeting then." Aric Tecla spoke up, motioning for Holly to take a seat." DYLAN: You know I never really care of pay attention to when something is cliche, but I can already tell this is going to end in the "this organization that I work for is secretly evil" thing. Also there are two possible outcomes that can easily be predicted (considering the past outcomes in the story.): 1. Holly will end up taking over the organization (The original title of the section says "Dark Alliance" so since she never really states what this place is, I'm going to take a guess and say its the Dark Alliance. Kind of a grim name for a group that wants nothing but "Peace and justice" if you ask me.) 2. She kills all the members without any consequences, because that happens literally every time. "Holly frowned slightly, why was Aric acting as if he was in charge here?" DYLAN: Why doesn't she ask that herself? Plus he isn't really acting like "he's in charge" if you ask me. "Both she and Tarian ranked above him." DYLAN: But why? I doubt they would give someone who never sticks to the plans she is given would be given a high rank. "Where is Tarian anyway? she wondered, looking around, unable to spot him. "What's going on? Where's Tarian?" Holly asked, remaining standing instead of taking the seat offered to her." '' '''DYLAN:' Why are the sentences switching between Holly's thoughts and a third person view? And how did she not realize Tarian wasn't there at first? "She rested her left hand on her hip, and fixed Aric with a questioning look. He sighed. "This isn't any of his business. The way he is running the alliance will only end in defeat, and death for us all. He's leading us to defeat, all of his plans end in failure. And something has to be done." '' '''DYLAN': And he's probably right, considering people are having to say "fuck the plan" to actually get out alive. Also why did Aric automatically assume Holly wasn't working with Tarian? "His tone and words didn't take Holly by surprise. She knew that some alliance members weren't amused with the results Tarian was getting. "Why does this involve me?" she asked," DYLAN: Holy hell this pisses me off. 'Why does this involve me?' Well MAYBE 'it is because of the fact that '''YOU '''are also a member of this organization '''AND '''should do what is right for her cause. ''"she was fairly sure he was about to beg her to help this rebellion, and he was probably going to beg in a crawly way, hoping that compliments would be more likely to get her to agree. Holly leant against the wall and folded her arms casually." '' '''DYLAN: '''ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING? THIS, THIS IS NOT JUST A SCENARIO WHERE YOU BE A STUCK UP BITCH. ''""You're the only one with any influence who's had any success around here." Ashri Sor'eta, a female Zabrak with a notoriously short temper, spoke up. "We're asking you to challenge Tarian.... we're asking you to be our leader."" '''DYLAN: Out of all people, why her? She OBVIOUSLY isn't the brightest. If she is, then I am surprised they lasted that long. ""You're asking me to be a traitor?" Holly try to sound disgusted with the idea, but she couldn't quite manage it." DYLAN: 'Didn't Holly LITERALLY overthrow the Felucian government (That, may I add was ran by her sister and her husband.) with the help of her 13 year old niece a while ago? If she is able to overthrow her SISTER without regretting it, then she SHOULD be able to overthrow the Dark Alliance without thinking about it. ''"She studied their faces, trying to decide if they really meant this, or it was just another loyalty test. She heard a slight noise behind her, but she didn't look round. Both Ashri and Aric did not flinch as she questioned them. "Forget 'traitor', and try 'savior'."" '''DYLAN: Yes, our saviorT The murdering bounty hunter who is literally worse then Nova, the person they're fighting (Keep in mind Holly is the "most notorious bounty hunter in the galaxy" at this point, not only that but she did a bunch of other bad shit.) Aric countered, watching Holly closely as her right hand inched slowly closer to one of her blasters. Holly knew he was watching her, and probably wondering if she was about to shoot him. '' '''DYLAN:' Holly has the worst judgement skills of all time. Discovering The Truth About Something "Holly closed her eyes briefly, wondering just how long she'd be waiting for Tarian to finish whatever business was keeping him" DYLAN:' Yeah I do believe thats called "blinking" and its not really anything worth mentioning, considering every human blinks every few seconds. ''"He'd asked her to meet him here five minutes ago. She had no illusions as to why though. Holly knew this meeting wasn't anything to do with the alliance." '''DYLAN: If she didn't "have any illusions" about what Tarian needed her for, how did she know it didn't involve the alliance? "Holly thought guilty about her husband, Jallar. She didn't want to cheat on him, but Tarian was certainly sweet, and he could make her life in the alliance very difficult if she resisted him." '' '''DYLAN:' WHERE does she jump to the conclusion Tarian was going to do some shit with her? If she actually 'cared about her husband '''AND '''children (Which she doesn't, considering they don't end up getting mentioned outside of her stating that they were born.) she wouldn't even dare cheat on her husband, despite the consequences. ''"This is the last thing I need, she thought grumpily. " '''DYLAN: You think? "I've got other things to talk about.... including the fact the rest of the alliance have asked me plan the next raid on Nebula behind Tarian's back. Its lucky for him I don't want to take over, her mind added, I'm in the right place to do just that." DYLAN: I like how she literally never puts her thoughts in quotation marks. "A slight sound in the doorway took her by surprise, and she looked up to see Tarian standing there, staring at her with a look she wasn't entirely comfortable with on this face." DYLAN: Yeah considering the vague description of her "uncomfortable face" I imagined it myself and giggled. "Miss Holly. Glad you could make it to our little party. Such a shame that I had to invite you here to end you." DYLAN: 'Why does everyone's dialogue in this story read like a golden age comic book? ''"A familiar feeling of dread unfurled in Holly's chest" '''DYLAN: '''so scary even her tits are trembling in fear ''"She stood up, looking Tarian directly in his eyes. "I knew there was something strange going on. All our battles were ending in defeat when you made the plans. Now I know why. And the others will know too."" '' '''DYLAN: But why? For what purpose? Why trick people you barely know into getting themselves killed? "And how will you tell them, when you lie dead on the floor?" Tarian's voice sounded almost amused, and Holly flinched slightly." DYLAN: Why did she randomly flinch? "It was a slight relief to her that Tarian had no back up with him, but it was not much of a relief, she knew she was still out-matched. "You can't fool everyone forever Tarian."" DYLAN: Wait, so a girl who fought Rancors when she was literally three can barely take on some random douche who probably doesn't have a weapon? ""That is not my plan. As soon as I've killed off all of Mistress Nova's enemies, the war will be over and I shall be famous."" DYLAN: Yeah it doesn't work this way. See, doing someone who's more popular then you's dirty work is the wrong way to reaching popularity in CWA. I would know. And what's the point of getting popular? There is literally no advantages. ""Even if this crazy plan of yours works, and I don't see how it will, there is only so much the people will ''take.""'' '''DYLAN: You know your a dumbass when even HOLLY 'points it out. ''"Holly followed up that line by punching Tarian in the stomach. "Didn't think I'd let you win easily, did you?" she hissed, leaping lightly over his head and kicking him sharply as he tried to turn too quickly." 'DYLAN: '''I doubt a punch in the stomach from Holly would hurt him that much. Holly Loses Something Apparently ''"There is only one thing I have to say to the killers of my innocent son Jovan, and that is the following message: I will make you pay for the death of my son, Xalandra Nova, whatever cruel pleasure you get from murdering innocent children, I will get in planning your defeat. I will have revenge." :– The only time Holly ever spoke in public of the death of her son." '''DYLAN: I like how this is literally the second time Jovan was mentioned, so I don't see why Holly care so much, considering she probably never interacted with her children since they were born. Also, why would the public care about her sons death? Last I checked Holly was a criminal who would probably be arrested once she is seen in public.. "Only a matter of days into the war, there was an attempt at Holly's life. Holly and her children had been leaving their home on Felucia, when one of Nova's gun men opened fire on them. No one was seriously hurt, but the children were taken." DYLAN: 'And how did she let that happen? ''"As Nova's men ran to their speeders, Holly ran after them, and followed them to the house of Nova's sister." 'DYLAN: '''I don't think Nova had a sister. ''"Inside, Holly confronted and Nova, and demanded the safe release of all three children. Nova released Tallie and Kylie, but killed Jovan, Holly swore that she would have revenge for death of her son." 'DYLAN: '''What does "Holly confronted and Nova" mean? Why did Holly expect Nova to just give her back her children without getting anything in return? The Truth About Holly's Husband ''""I have only one thing to say about what has happened. I made a mistake. It is a mistake I shall never make again." :– Holly speaking to a reporter who asked her about the split with Jallar." '''DYLAN: '''I'm going to begin guessing that this story has zero continuity, because, again, why would a reporter be speaking to a '''wanted criminal. And an even bigger question, why do they care? "One evening, around the middle of the war, Holly caught Jallar speaking to someone he said was his mother, he was telling her the plan Holly had outlined earlier that day. Passing on information to people Holly didn't know was forbidden." DYLAN: 'Why didn't Holly ever meet her husbands parents and her childrens grandparents? ''"Holly was angry with Jallar for breaking the rule, and she was even crosser when she discovered that the woman he'd been talking to, his mother, was Xalandra Nova. Their relationship was over." 'DYLAN: '''What the fuck, so Jallar had no idea his '''wife '''and his '''mom '''were fighting? Either that, or he just didn't care. Why? This story literally has no logic. War Finally Ends ''"In all walks of life there is a winner and a loser. This time we are the winners, who knows when that could change?" :– Part of Holly's victory speech to her alliance '''DYLAN: '''What does that even mean? And how is it in anyway a good victory speech "EVERYONE, TODAY WE ARE WINNERS, BUT IT CAN CHANGE, AND WE CAN ALL DIE SOON." Why not say something along the lines of "DARK ALLIANCE TODAY, DARK ALLIANCE TOMORROW, DARK ALLIANCE FOREVER." ''"Holly had planned and plotted for months, slowly pushing Nova's forces back, until Nova came to Holly, saying that she wished to surrender. Holly discovered this to be a truthful statement from Nova, and so the war ended." '' '''DYLAN: What is the point of giving a victory speech if no one won? Technically she lost. "The war that had gone on for seven months and twelve days was finally over." DYLAN: Such a LONG time. "Holly, at first doubted, was a hero." DYLAN: That's because she isn't. "Holly was extremely glad the war was over, as her alliance was in trouble." DYLAN: 'Well, shouldn't '''everyone '''be happy that a war is over? Unless you're a hipster who looks at it as "good for muh economy." ''"Her fragile alliance to Black Tech had been brought down by Tarian Goldenrage, who hated Holly for defending her brother Dazz in a fight against him." '''DYLAN: Which Tarian? Is this the same Tarian? Speaking of which it never built up to anything after that Tarian thing, it just said Holly kicked him and punched him. That's it, no conclusion. "Some of Holly's allies had remained true to the alliance however, including Steve Bladewave, Wullf Worldpincer, Yusanis Nightslasher and Jaden Sithguard. Holly was eternally thankfull to these allies, who she stayed friends with all her life. Holly took on an apprentice, the young Twi'lek daughter of Queen Jade Firestar of Ryloth, Rowan Linn." DYLAN:'Why is she taking in apprentices if she can barely take care of her own children? More War :""What do you call Holly Talon dressed smartly?'' The accused." '' ::– A joke devised by Rune Photocruise about Holly." '' 'DYLAN:'The first person to figure out what the 'FUCK '''the joke means gets a billion dollars. ''"People learn quickly not to mess with me when they see how effective my army is, and how easily I will resort to violence." :– Holly speaking to a friend in the lull between the two wars 'DYLAN: '''How is her army "effective" (I do believe the word she was looking for was "Efficient", but whatever.) when she literally just said that they were going through bad times during the end of the Nova wars? ''"When Xalandra Nova surrendered to Holly and her alliance, one of Holly's friends, and a member of her alliance, Rune Photocruise, withdrew from the alliance because of another alliance member, Steve Bladewave. Steve and Rune had always had differing opinions, but now these differences became a war. Holly stepped in, trying to restore peace, but she only managed to upset Rune more, starting a war between them instead." '''DYLAN: Wait, so a war started because two people are opposites? Christ. WHEN I HAVE A DISAGREEMENT WITH SOMEONE, I NEVER GO OUT AND START A WAR. Where will they get there army? If I was Holly, I would stay out of this because they sound like fucking idiots. But alas, Holly is as intelligent as them. Holly's "Diary" extracts "There is a war on now. Jetty says it was only a matter of time with me." DYLAN: 'What does the second sentence even mean? ''"My brother is such a di'kut at times. I hope he never finds out I wrote that." '''DYLAN: Well, putting it all over the most visited existing Clone Wars Adventures site is really 'helping keeping this away from him. I don't know how her family is (They don't seem very humorous considering Rune's "joke" above.) but I'm ''pretty sure its normal to call your siblings names. "Anyway, the war. That particularly repulsive slug like being (that is the basic meaning of what Holly wrote. What she wrote was too rude to be published. Even in Mando'a, so fewer people could understand it)," '''DYLAN: Top kek, as if the admins care about moderating the site outside of extending my ban every other month anyway. (Fun fact: Wuher founder doesn't even log on anymore, and when he does, its usually to extend my ban, remove comments from Atom's page, and delete an image.) "Xalandra Nova came to visit me. At first I was unsure why, but then I remembered." DYLAN: Maybe because you are both leaders of huge organizations, and she probably wants to speak about something related to your previous war with her? Also, you kind of fucked her son. "Because of about two seconds involvement in the ending of The Second Dark Nebula War, that **** (we could not publish this word)" DYLAN: 'How exactly do you get involved in a war "for two seconds"? Also, bravo Bane, you ban people for censoring swears on chat, but let them go on this page. (I might as well fit a side rant in: Literally the only reason I have not been unbanned is because Wuher says so, and technically, Wuher doesn't even use his own Wiki or properly look over it. And if I recall, the reason he banned me was for bypassing a previous ban that ended already. And the reason I bypassed the ban was to speak to him about it, since he pulled a dick move and ignored all my messages I gave him outside of his Wiki.) ''"thinks she can take revenge on me. For WHAT exactly? What did I do? Shoot a couple of her lackeys and add my name to a treaty or two? Big crimes." 'DYLAN: '''Well '''YEAH, '''killing a few people and signing a treaty (which I assume are against Dark Nebula) ARE ACTUALLY VERY BIG CRIMES, especially the KILLING part. ''"Well if thats the way she wants to play it, that the way she can have it." '''DYLAN: "My brothers are currently attempting to kill eachother, lets forget all of that and go to war with Nova!" "Yes, I believe in freedom, and she wants supreme power." DYLAN: I'm not a novafag, but I'm pretty sure this was far from Nova's intentions. "She won't win" DYLAN: Taking into consideration that she never \really\ lost a battle or something, and the fact that there are a billion of sheeps and dickriders that follow her, her victory is eminent. "can't let her. No one will ever take my freedom, or the freedom of the galaxy! I ought to save that one for a speech of some sort. I need allies, I wonder who will join me?" DYLAN: Such an original and well thought out speech. Category:Blog posts